Day 280

Yesterday’s visit with Joan Butler was productive. I like her. She listens. Today is stormy one that will turn J Street into a river. May get to walk to the police department or may take the easy way and drive. If I want a pizza after work, that will be the best choice. I’m looking forward to seeing the people at the PD. Haven’t been there for two weeks. I enjoy the variety in my weekly routine.

Day 279

Yesterday didn’t happen as planned. I decided on a day when my jammies wouldn’t come off and Megan’s apartment didn’t happen either. On the other hand, Charter did come and reconnect the TV in the guest house. I managed a couple of naps in my chair while pretending to watch reruns. It was a good day for staying in. Wish I could again today. The wind and rain are tearing noisily around the house. But duty calls.

Day 278

It’s wet and windy. I’m thinking I will walk to the gallery to get the cleansing from the weather. It will blow away the cobwebs that remain in my brain. Excited call from Megan. She found an apartment and is so bubbly with plans to get on with settling in. I am grateful to be part of her life. She has made wonderful living spaces out of her other places. This one will be a treat too.

Day 277

Yesterday was a productive one. Two walks. Two visits with good friends. Chuck took away the brush that I had cut and collected. The yard is clear. Today I want another walk since rain is predicted for the week. Then a trip to Charter to reconnect the TV for the guest who arriving Saturday. I am feeling so much better than I have in a long time. I will admit I enjoyed a week away from routine.

Day 276

New day. I splashed watercolor on two journal pages that are ready for words to go over the top. Makes a pretty page. Megan’s breakup has reminded me of times of change that I have not written about. May be time to put the experiences in words. I make sense out of feelings by seeing them in words. There is loss when relationships fail. It is the loss of projected potential. Take it back and start over.

Day 275

Twelve ‘I am’ statements: I am honest. I am trustworthy. I am healthy. I am grateful. I am wise. I am funny. I am bright. I am involved in life. I am enthusiastic about living. I am supportive of family and friends. I am curious about everything. I am inventive. I am creative. I am a writer. I am a lover. I am a great cook. I am a perpetual learner. But I can’t count to twelve.

Day 274

Megan is gaining perspective on the end of her relationship. She is ready to deal with the details and get her life back. She is growing into a wonderful woman. Today I have details to deal with too. Having company points out the places that need attention. I want to take everything out of the corner cupboard and that requires sitting on the floor and staying there until I put things back. I can delete unused items.

Day 273

Ah, leftovers! The soup is on and that’s my favorite part of the turkey. We had an abundant dinner and cleaned up easily. Today Hollie will come and take the rest of the food. Megan took home a portion for her breakfast. I want a long walk today with or without dogs. Must take advantage of the fair weather. Rain is coming back soon. I cleaned the guest house yesterday. It is ready for Samantha from Philadelphia..

Day 272

Megan will be here early. She broke up with Shane yesterday and so we will have the chance to console her and encourage her next steps. There are far worse things than being alone and one is being alone in a relationship. So over turkey and mashed potatoes, we will discuss the mysteries of life and possible futures. Her wish to finish college and go to culinary school can happen. We can help her. Such is life.

Day 271

Hollie and I will go shopping early this morning. The shopping today and cooking together tomorrow are my favorite things. Thanksgiving is the only holiday we celebrate as a family. We don’t celebrate Christmas. Megan can ask for a tool as a gift. It is usually something for the kitchen and her desire to become a chef shows in her choices. We think this year it will be a special knife. First we have the Thanksgiving feast.

Day 270

Just had the adventure of taking the garbage container out in the storm. The gutter is full and running fast. Hope the water or the wind don’t overturn it. Today I will see the chiro before I go to the senior center and show him the MRI pictures with the caveat from the doctor. I need to get busy with my part of the solution with exercises. Keeping dry and warm are on the agenda for today.

Day 269

Rest I did! My eyes finally stopped twitching after the close work of making all those knots. I feel that I have caught up with my house chores. Today, while the dogs are at the groomers, I will catch up on errands and shopping. My cupboard is not bare after the trip to Cosco but vegetables and fruit are missing. Hope to hear from the guest from Philadelphia. The little house needs to be used in winter.

Day 268

I learned to make a knotted Anglican rosary yesterday. I came home with tired eyes. It was fun and Sister Diana was patient with my ugly knots. I know how to pick them out. I have cord so I can make another one. Susanne was good at it. She has made macramé so the knots came easier for her. I like the group praying. This wet day I will rest and relax after a long busy week.

Day 267

A couple of scenic detours, and a good doc visit. Yes, there is risk from more damage to the spinal cord. If I get bonked or fall etc. I could end up with symptoms I wouldn’t like. I said NO surgery now. If I notice any of the warning signs he gave me, then we will talk. I need to bring my health up to optimum. Cosco was a zoo and we managed to spend over $400!

Day 266

I am ready for the trip to Medford. I have all the papers, medical insurance stuff plus the MRI in my purse. I will drive to the Hamlet to meet Hollie and she will drive. My blood pressure goes up at the doctor’s office so I take my blood donor card to show that my usual pressure is low as it isn’t affected by that procedure. After the consultation, we are going to Cosco with a list.

Day 265

Two good walks yesterday. Took the dogs out in the morning after two long business calls and walked to the gallery in the afternoon. Felt good to be out in the fall sun. Today looks fair again. After the senior center and Hollie’s class, I plan to walk. Lots of sitting tomorrow with the trip to Medford. I’m catching up with errands and duties. Feels good to be in charge of my life again. I’m doing OK.

Day 264

They liked it. It’s my mood that’s boring. It’s been six months today since my son died. According to two good friends who took the risk to tell me, I have allowed myself to get old, out of shape, overweight, and depressed. OK. I plead guilty. I want my joy back and it breaks through now and then. My approach to life is positive and I look for people, places, and things that encourage connection to positives.

Day 263

No. It’s not finished. Feels boring. I like my columns to do something positive for the reader. Maybe inspire them to move and explore their worlds. This column on food doesn’t move me as I’m writing it. I’ll take it to writing group this afternoon and get help. They like giving ideas. Usually I have 500 words before I take a breath. This one, not so much. I have struggled to get to 400! I’ll get there.

Day 262

The column for December needs to get out of my head and on to paper. Writing about the food theme and, as usual, finding a different slant on it. I have a Spark that gives me ideas, especially when I’m walking. Barbara mentioned that in the November column. The outline came Friday when I was walking the Art Walk. Today I will flesh it out and get it sent in and hope that Barbara likes it too.

Day 261

After a breakfast of pepper apple smoked bacon, purple potatoes, and fresh farm eggs, I should be able to leap tall buildings. I’ll settle for a long walk after church. The dogs haven’t had a walk for a week as I wasn’t up to dealing with them. The joy of waking up without a migraine is amazing. I have checks to write and the insurance forms to sign and send back. Busy day. I’ll make it count.

Day 260

And it was fun. The big awakening was how much I want to keep in touch with Roy and Sharon. Aside from meetings at the farmer’s market, we haven’t made a point of being together. We have been friends since 1970 when I went to Pine Grove to teach special ed. Sharon was the secretary and Roy was the psychologist. They made my job work as it was a pilot program. Friends with shared history are precious.

Day 259

Another good plan for today. After the police department duty, I look forward to the Art Walk beginning at 4 PM. Susanne has never been to one, nor have the Krause’s. It may be wet but it’s only water and we can dash between the art sites. There are 17 places. We probably won’t visit the harbor sites. Downtown is plenty. Jon is playing at Wrights. Must see him. There are noshes besides enjoying art and music.

Day 258

Hours on the phone yesterday, decisions made, follow through today with documents galore. Then collect the MRI from the hospital, go to the senior center for lunch duty, Hollie’s class for another writing session with the second graders. Sounds like a good day. My mood has been elevated even though I’m still in an energy slump. I found myself laughing out loud and it was a good thing. I can find joy if I look for it.

Day 257

Obama is president. Being a woman and in the “47%” I will admit to fear that the other guy would dismantle my way of life even faster than it’s going now. Today I will talk with Krause’s about their health insurance and hopefully make a change to a better plan. Another big decision that I have to make alone. There are times when clinging to independence means being open to mistakes in judgment. I do my best.

Day 256

Woke up yesterday with back spasms. Walking helped as did the healing touch of my neighbor Chris. This morning I am modestly better. Headache too. I’m sure I can have a good day. Had a good long talk with Gene about big issues like life and death. He is a good man and friend. I talked with both Gene and Chris about my son’s death and how it is still fogging up my attempts to be present.

Day 255

Yesterday All Saints Day was celebrated at church. I took a picture of Wendell and told how he brought me to St. Paul’s and when I was singing in the choir, he would make up silly words to the hymns and make me laugh. Some of the old timers remembered him for his marvelous singing voice and rare wry humor. I still miss him. He was my best friend for almost thirty years. No walking energy afterwards.

PS

I met Wendell when I was still playing the victim role following the break up of my marriage to an alcoholic. Wendell worked in the alcohol related problems office. I was shaking when I came in and he thought I was cold but I wasn't. I was desperate and at the end of my rope. He struggled to help me and I was beyond listening at that point. He called a woman from Al-Anon who came and talked until I could hear her. That started the years of meetings and understanding until I could accept my half of the dance. Wendell took me to St. Paul's and I found an instant home there. Later, he left church saying that he found himself repeating words that I he no longer felt. We shared books and he became deeply interested in Eastern philosophies and religions. Although we were close for so many years, it was never a romantic relationship. There were people who didn't understand that a man and woman can be friends without any other agenda. My kids called him Uncle Wendell and he was included in our family gatherings. I enjoyed the visits from his children too. He was a chosen family member.

Day 254

After church I have promised to take a walk on the long block. The dogs and I need to move more after a quiet Saturday. My journal needs paint splashed on the pages. I like writing over the paint. That’s why I chose a journal with art quality paper so the pens wouldn’t leak through. I plan to write more this month. October was sparsely documented. Even on the slow days, I learn something new about life.

Day 253

Spent almost four hours yesterday just taking the paper around town. Lots of visiting. Good comments about the cover story and photos. Trish and Katie finally saw Della after more than a year. They were happy to see her with Minnie and Cody. Stopped at Subway on the way home and then had an unusual spurt of domestic energy, cleaned out the refrigerator, rearranged the pans and lids, both things that have been bothering me. Good day.

Day 252

Hollie’s class was fun. We wrote about favorite holidays and there were  some surprisingly good efforts. I asked her when we could add art to the writing time. Kids get very little creative time. Today I distribute senior news. It’s a social duty as I visit along the way with the people who receive the papers. The weather is cooperating too although I don’t mind dodging raindrops. My story is on the front page. That’s fun too.

Day 251

No gallery yesterday and I did review October for the journal. Not much to write about. Seemed to drag by without many notes except the weather. Today, after senior center duty, I get to go to Hollie’s class for the first time this year. She says they will be tired and sugared out from last night. Her group will be split by computer lab so we will work on writing. I’m hoping for an early moon walk.