Day 158

Yesterday was a good one. Lots of brush piles ready to go. The little yard needs raking. I made three bags of dried leaves and rose branches there. Chuck volunteered, with Hollie’s help, to take it to the transfer station. The yard looks bigger without the bushes and weeds. Then Hollie offered to help me clean the shed. It’s not too bad and needs to have everything taken out, swept, and reassembled. That’s all the summer jobs.

Day 157

Busy Monday. The senior news will be on the porch this morning and I will get it distributed early. Then work on both yards again. I hope to connect with a guy and a pickup truck to take the brush to the transfer station. I will call for an appointment with Joan Butler for a follow-up exam and more talk about the breathing issue. Then get potting soil for another container. Maybe plant petunias. Good active day.

Day 156

The west side of the yard has been overgrown and yesterday I tackled it. Took down all the old branches from the lilac tree and now it looks like a tree and not a bunch of offshoots with weeds behind them. Then the huge daisy bush went down. My plan is to have raised boxes built there for spring planting. My shoulders are tired. Good thing I have a massage this morning. Sarah does good body work.

Day 155

Left the senior center gasping for fresh air, ears ringing, and ready for the peace and quiet of my home. It was a noisy bunch and they were enjoying the birthday festivities. Made me even more grateful for the Tuesday and Thursday duties with the smallest groups in the week! I have time to talk to people and check-up on how they are. Today I will walk, do PT exercises, water orchids, and run a few errands.

Day 154

Minnie is feeling well. She is bouncing around mooching food. When she was eating one kibble at a time, I knew she was sick. That girl can inhale her 1/3 cup of food in about 30 seconds! Chris is flying to Austin this morning, Hollie and I will get her farm box this afternoon. All calm routine except for the extra day I volunteered to do at the senior center. It is the busy birthday party day.

Day 153

Eileen and I had a conversation about friendship yesterday. She recently lost a long time friend to a move to an area with better medical care. As we age our priorities change. Living out in the woods with the river in the front yard loses appeal in light of growing physical needs. Lost friendships cause grief to both who enjoyed morning walks and talks. Nothing takes the place of trusted friends. They are as necessary as breathing.

Day 152

Minnie isn’t feeling well. The vet said it was back pain and I think it’s her stomach. She is too quiet and eating too slowly to be herself. I get the same awful feeling that comes with infants. Helpless to understand or fix the problem. I’m looking forward to the museum and gallery. They both bring interesting people. The tourists like to tell their travel stories and the art lovers like to share about their personal preferences.

Day 151

After the senior center duty it’s writing group. I have nothing new to share today. I haven’t written anything except the column for senior news for several months. Looking through my drawer full of words, I came upon an old essay about death. I sent it to a contest and was given an honorable mention. Since the subject has been on my mind I’m thinking I’ll take it and read it to the group. It’s practical thoughtfulness. 

Day 150

Fifty days ago I was in brain fog after Kim’s death. Forgot things, lost things, unconscious. I pulled down the avocado tree and did serious yard clearance. Felt good to look outside myself and see what I could do. Many days of quiet low energy and then re-upped the physical therapy exercises and moved back into my body. Kelle was here for a fun week. The daily routine is active. All the ashes are spread. Moving again.

Day 149

As soon as I made that statement, my mind toted up a list of misplaced items, forgotten appointments, missteps, attention and time lapses. Those are the ones I’ve noticed. I’m not always as conscious as I would like to be. Maybe it’s time to do the brain exercises again or find new ones that will stimulate the synapses or maybe a brisk walk will help. I am troubled by my mistakes. Time for more paper memory aids.

Day 148

I wish I lived in a culture that celebrated aging and death. Lately it has been on the top of my mind. I look around at the lunch people at the senior center and remember the tables full of people who are gone. I see signs of decline. I can look in the mirror and see the same. I joke that gravity wins as we become shorter and our feet get bigger. My mind still works fine.

Day 147

Most of yesterday was great. I enjoy my family. Then the not-so-great part was visiting my friend Gene. He is going downhill fast. When he gave up growing a garden, I knew he was feeling bad. This man has been in motion his whole life. Now the slowing down is galloping. He said he wants to finish the fishing season and then he is ready to give up living. I have no words of wisdom about this.

Day 146

Another fun family day coming up. Megan is coming to swim with Hollie and her friends this morning and then they are coming to have lunch with me at the senior center. Taco salad is a great entrée. Megan wants to spread some of Kim’s ashes. I saved her plenty of them for her use. I don’t know if she has a place in mind or if she plans to take them back to Arcata with her.

Day 145

Good day at the senior center. Lots of laughing and talking. When it’s a slow day, I often get itchy to get out of there. Depends on the people who come to lunch. Maggie made me strawberry shortcake to bring home since I won’t be there today. I felt that sense of belonging that I like. Today will also be a good day. Rick will be at the museum and I’m the front person at the gallery.

Day 144

It’s raining. Sounds good, smells good. It’s warm. The grass and the plants will soak it up. Peas will grow taller. I’m low on energy again. The PT exercises come first and then a simple plan for the day. Just senior center duty. Maybe write something. Old memories come up in the middle of the night and suggest recording the people and events. When I get old and feeble, I can entertain myself with old journal stories.

Day 143

I wanted to go back to Day 81 and review the shock and grief process following Kim’s death. I read one day and realized that I’m not ready to go there yet. I do know that I would not be able to sequence the events without the blog and my daily log. Too foggy. 77 words a day hits the high spots of 24 hours worth of living. It is a reader’s digest version of my history.

Day 142

Low day following the above special day. Cleaned the guest house and yard and then fell into the comfort zone and barely moved for the rest of Saturday. I caught up on shopping and errands first. Long sleep and now I’m ready to resume the daily disciplines. First the PT exercises and then a walk with the dogs. I need to get busy taking care of the priorities again. I can’t get anywhere without a fit body.

Day 141

We were greeted by an older male deer who regarded us as non-threatening. We walked to the deck and there was an osprey with its wings spread in a tree overlooking the harbor. It stayed there the whole time. Twin spotted fawns came up on the lawn and stayed close by. We took his ashes down the path, around the trees, under the windows, around the garden. Judy knew where to put them. Perfect birthday farewell celebration.

Day 140

Today is July 13 and the 57^th birthday of my sons. Hollie and I are going to Brookings to spread some of Kim’s ashes around his last home. He loved the views. He could see the harbor and the animals that lived there too. Deer came to sleep just outside his door. Birds, creatures, all knew it was a safe and peaceful place. Megan wants some of the ashes to take to her favorite places in nature.

Day 139

The slow computer problem goes on. The Frontier guy says the computer is full of programs and the slow comes from all the downloading. I didn’t recognize any of the programs. They floated in from cyber space. The Working Mouse is coming today to dump them out. My day started with a huge smile that went all the way up and down my body: a great post from Megan on FaceBook is all it took. She’s great!!!

Day 138

Today I go to the museum and that’s fun with Rick Bennett. We always find tons of stuff to talk about. Then on to the gallery where interesting people come by. When I sit in the window with my journal, I enjoy waving and smiling at the passers-by. I enjoy the double takes too. I may go by the police department to see the chief or make an appointment. I am interested in the volunteer message duty.

Day 137

The health club didn’t work out. The instructor went on vacation. I can do Yoga on Monday and Friday mornings along with the PT exercises and walking. I can keep my intention to be as fit as my body is willing to be. Today is writer’s group. We are a diverse group. A poet or two, science fiction novelist, one writing a family history, one recording childhood events, and I have my column to offer this time.

Day 136

I wrote my August column for Senior News about physical therapy and how it improved my daily life. Today I’m going to the health club with my one month gift certificate and find out what I can do to continue becoming fit. I know I want to do the mat science, a combo of stretching, Yoga, and pilates, and I want to investigate the body flex exercises. Not interested in the machines. I want to be healthy.

Day 135

Quiet morning again. Kelle’s plane was only a little late in departing. Her final gift was winning a beautiful wool shawl at the farmer’s market. It was a fund raiser raffle for Relay for Life. She managed to pack it into her already full carry-on. It was take a day or two to get used to being alone again. Today the dogs and I will take the long walk. I want to pull weeds too. New day.

Day 134

Foggy morning, not a hint of a breeze. We will walk down to the farmers’ market later. I’m hoping for corn from Kerbyville. Maybe a melon. Kelle flies out this afternoon. It has been a packed week and I will miss having her here. So will Della. They formed an instant bond.  We visited with Eileen yesterday and with Jon. Kelle has her C. City family and did get a minute with Carol too. Come back soon.

Day 133

We went to Kokopilau and Megan and I both found shoes on sale. Kelle found new beads at a little shop and then lunch at our favorite Chinese restaurant: hot sour soup, chicken salad, two kinds of sushi and spring rolls. Yum. A prowl around the co-op finding favorites, my pesto, Hollie’s bread and chips, Megan’s berries and yogurt, and Kelle’s chocolate. The dogs were glad to see us. And the evening was quiet. Very nice day.

Day 132

The weather was great for the Fourth. The fireworks actually showed brilliantly. Often the fog comes in and the display is more like, “pink fog!” “blue fog!” etc. It’s over. Lots of pies went out and the money came in. Looks good for the museum’s budget. Today we are going to Arcata, pick up Megan, and find places to be together. We are prone to giggles and silliness and it’s fun. Kelle fits right in with us.

day 131

Busy day ahead following a busy day. I like days with variety. Hollie came to the center for lunch with Kelle and me. It was fun to have personal companions. Lots of walking in the wind, enjoying the art show, and a quiet evening. Today lots of standing and serving at the pie social. The noisy parade and small town activities make for an old fashioned Fourth of July. The dogs will be glad when it’s over.

Day 130

July 3 and popping sounds at night. Cody is on tranquilizers. I started on the thirtieth and hope he gets through without too much trouble. Poor old guy can hardly walk, doesn’t hear well, and I’m thinking he isn’t seeing well either. The girls go in the closet and curl up on a blanket I put there for them. The Fourth is not a celebration for them. The mountain men’s black powder rifles are the worst noise.

Day 129

We took a couple of long walks with and without dogs, drank wine, ate ice cream, also had fresh salmon from Gene that I fixed with sesame Asian seasoning and Rosemary garlic roast red potatoes. See, Megan, you have me boldly going where I usually don’t go. Kelle put the numbers on the porch steps and the reflective tape too. Today she is having a massage with Sarah and then the Chart Room for fish and chips.

Day 128

Kelle’s plane was late. What else is new? Brought up old stories about late planes, planes that didn’t fly, planes that left me stranded, planes that made me miss the swearing in ceremony as an assembly member of the Senior Legislature, waiting at airports etc. Seems like everybody has a bad airplane story. Bad memories. All wiped out when Kelle stepped off the plane. Last one off. She is here. Now I can put her to work.