Day 66

Another sunny day went by without much outdoor time. I don’t even know what I did to my neck and it is a big pain. So I fed the orchids and enjoyed them instead of the weed fest I had in mind. They are interesting plants and I am learning their culture by watching what works. The tiniest one is going in the compost and the one Sarah gave me has rotted in spite of first aid.

Day 65

Sarah worked on my neck on Thursday, Tracy on Friday, and Saturday I spent trying to find a place that didn’t hurt. So a sunny day went by unused. I did check the peas and they are coming up as are the green onions. The tomato plants look perky and I gave John a bunch of lemons. That was all I can count for productive efforts. Today I’m not as sore. Maybe I can upend some weeds.

Day 64

I am loving the birds that come to the three feeders and the finch sock. There were about a dozen ring necked doves clustered under the feeder in the lilac tree. The red headed little birds, wild canaries, and lots I don’t know. Somewhere I have a bird book. Time to read up on the backyard visitors so I can call them by name. Seeing and hearing a vee of geese heading north can make my day.

Day 63

Ah, Sarah with the wonderful hands. She took the pain out of my lower spine and helped my neck. Maybe the headaches will stop. Today, just for today, I am taking responsibility for my nutrition. Fought off the urge for chips yesterday. Will do it again today. What am I really hungry for? It isn’t junk food. Why do I feel deeply empty? Stuffing food doesn’t not satisfy the neediness. I am ready for a fulfilling project.

Day 62

Helped Rick Bennett with his sorting of potential botany scholarship recipients. The process has many variables and I was interested in how I rated them. First I looked at their educational goals, then the college they wanted, parents’ incomes, SAT scores, GPA, extra activities. My two check marks landed on two Asian students with high scores, local colleges, biology interests and low incomes. There were no students into botany. I pored over the list for two hours.

Day 61

The mail brought a brochure for a cruise to Australia and it reminded me that I said I would read a few pages from my novel. The couple takes a freighter from Seattle to Melbourne and on to the Outback. I love my story. It isn’t going anyplace past the drawer in my desk. I have no interest in sharing it with the public. I don’t want it edited or critiqued. It is my personal fairy tale.

Day 60

Woke up in the night with a case of the grumpies. Found fault all over the place from Della pushing me out of bed, to the street noise, to the printer that suddenly won’t work, to my list of shudders at the senior center. Now it’s morning, not bright and inviting, but a reminder that it’s a new day and I can erase the negative feelings with a dose of gratitude. I have a multitude of blessings.

Day 59

Megan is 29 today. She has been a welcome part of my life. For the first seven years, she was next door and I saw her daily. When Hollie went to college, I picked Megan up for piano lessons, dance lessons and walks. I’m so fortunate that I have been included by her into her life. I value every minute I get to spend with her whether it’s how to cook beans or sharing heart held secrets.

Day 58

The coupon class was my first experience with setting up an event. Now I have a new skill in my bag of tricks. I know how to find a place, write letters to the editor, talk on the radio, send invitations, connect people and places, recruit volunteers, think smart ways to set up, make the event meaningful with charts and the cards and pencils. All in all, it was successful, Patty was great, and it is over.

Day 57

A couple of long phone calls from senior center people saying come back. Maybe later. When I quit the chamber, I said call me in April and then said NO. If I shudder when I think about going into a building, then my body knows it’s not a good place. I do need time off. For years I ran on empty and being tired was normal. Now I want to see how far my body will recover.

Day 56

My first day at the senior center was July 2006. Will showed me the job. My last day was April 2012. I gave more than asked to do. Now I’m wondering if there had been any notice of my service would I still want to be there. I don’t volunteer to get appreciation. It is my way to do everything I can for projects I choose AND I am human and like to be visible and acknowledged.

Day 55

Today I will move the cartons of goods donated by Safeway for the coupon class on Saturday. I’m thinking that instead of us filling the bags for the participants, we open the cartons at the Wellness Center and let people fill their own bags. We can watch out for the amount people take so it is fair and then we don’t have the job. I have several volunteers coming. I hope we get a good turn out.

Day 54

Wednesday was wall to wall busy. Last PT session was difficult as they tried to get me to remember the moves for home exercise, then the museum with Rick Bennett who told me the same stories, the gallery with its interesting people, quitting the senior center duty, and many phone calls. By the time the flurry was over, I was ready for soup and bed. I know how much I need to do for the coupon class.

Day 53

I was thinking about Larry Bellinger, an interesting guy I met at Princeton 29 years ago. We were keeping in touch by e-mail. I sent him a post and he responded immediately. I hadn’t sent a change to Frontier. He tried to find me by checking the obits, the senior news who wouldn’t give my info, and other of his investigative skills. I felt good about connecting with him. I wonder who else I forgot to tell.

Day 52

Long night with thoughts about possible futures. I’m through volunteering at the senior center. Too many signs to ignore that it no longer fits with what I want to do. Then comes the need to fill space. What do I do with the time that I used there? I like a routine. I’m afraid I will waste the time or I can take on a regimen for my body and renew my interest in writing longer pieces.

Day 51

Time with Megan and Hollie yesterday. The reason for Megan’s visit was sad: memorial for Eric Epperson she remembered from younger days. She connected with the people she came to see and then Hollie and she went to see Hunger Games. I don’t enjoy movies at the theater. Too loud even for ear plugs. I met them afterwards for Thai food before Megan left for Arcata. It is always special to have time with both of them

Day 50

Fifty days since my birthday. What do I have to show for the time? Went through March without being sick for the first time in a decade. Had a front page story in Senior News. Started on FaceBook and this blog with its learning curve at least partially mastered. Began J St. Journals. Kept up with routine duties. The best part has been the increase in strength with physical therapy. I can keep it up by myself.

Day 49

All three dogs are going to the vet for toenails, anal glands, and ear exams. It’s a handful with all three. The girls at the office help me. I take Cody in first and keeping the girls in the car is not easy! They are quick. I want harnesses for the girls. They can slip their collars and on walks that is dangerous. Minnie headed for the street last time and neither of them are street smart.

Day 48

Today the J Streeters will make poetry tags. I have everything needed for paper beads: round tooth picks, waxed paper, white glue, scraps of wrapping paper, and magazines. Chris has wanted to make beads for a long time. I hope Carol enjoys the process. We can zentangle, haiku, or color on the tags. May take them to the library, or keep them to give to friends. Sitting around the table making and talking is the best part.

Day 47

Larry asked me why I don’t have a guy. I replied, How do you know that I don’t? He has been hanging around my desk the past few weeks, telling me about his outdoor pursuits. I don’t want a guy or I’d have one. I cannot imagine anyone who could interrupt the way I have chosen to live. One thing I know is that I don’t want to take care of anyone besides myself. That is enough.

Day 46

The second graders learned to write a rebus yesterday. It was fun to watch Hollie bring them along by reading a rebus story, asking them to think of a colorful place, write five sentences, circle the nouns, and then write a story replacing the nouns with a drawing. I love watching the faces light up when they get it. There are some wonderful imaginers in the class and the subjects were from space portals to enchanted forests.

Day 45

I bought this house in 1976. For years I lived next door to a jungle of untended yard and uninteresting people. Imagine my delight the first time I stepped up on the porch and met Chris and Jon. I knew from the handshake that this was going to be fun. From then on it has been a relationship full of surprises, sharing, and learning from each other. Add in the treats: meringues, strawberry crepes, baklava and love.

Day 44

After our shopping in Brookings, Hollie and I planned to go to Super Fly. They had a fire the day before that blew out the kitchen wall. Hollie remembered her friends talking about a place in an alley called Snug. We walked the scenic tour, found a delightful wooden house. There it was with its wind sock at the door calling us. Upstairs in an art gallery, we had a Cobb salad that was also art work.

Day 43

Two days of sunshine make a huge difference in attitude even though it is cool. I had the time and energy yesterday to catch up on shopping and errands and to weed the fence line and plant pea seeds. I found mesh that I tacked to the fence for the peas to grow up on. The fresh peas won’t get into the house as biting into the crisp pod is too enticing to wait to stir fry.

Day 42

Carol hosted the J Street Journals yesterday and brought us a wonderful prompt. We wrote one sentence for 15 minutes. One sentence. The prompt began “At that age” and off we wrote. It was interesting to feel the flow without any stop signs or other reminders to breathe. The entrancing part for me was reading it aloud. I kept breaking up and laughing too hard to read. It had taken on a life of its own.

PS

At that age, Megan loved the Easter bonnet with red and yellow silk blossom, pink ribbons down the back, the white gloves, the cute purse with its crisp dollar bill for the collection plate, ruffled top socks: all matched from the top of the bonnet to the soles of the new black patent leather Mary Janes, everything was new and lacy, colorful for the feminine child to enjoy at church so that even the walk needed to sway a bit to hear the rustle of the taffeta slip under the daintily flowered dimity dress that also had a pink ribbon at the waist and tied in the back so she looked altogether like a spring garden that shone and showed herself to the welcoming eyes of people tired of winters gray and dark days on end and not endless at all because here was Spring and Easter that this beautiful child embodied as a treat to eye and heart forever etched in the memory of her doting grandmother who had provided the outfit that was worthy of a cover photo on a glossy magazine devoted to grandmothers with disposable income who hadn’t been able to provide that finery to the mother of the golden child due to economic stresses and priorities that didn’t include lacey unnecessary and impractical clothing that would most likely be worn once and then donated to a rummage sale where some fortunate little girl could look like a pampered princess without it costing the family a meal or not paying a bill for necessities like power and water which go along even when Easter and Spring would enjoy some foolish uses of money just for the fun of it and for the spirit to smile at the genuine pleasure shown by both generations who viewed the result of lavish tastes brought down to size 3.

Day 41

I’m getting mixed messages from the senior center about the letter. One board member called in support and another called and yelled at me. Oh well, I told my experience and that’s all I can do. It’s their policy to charge for use of the building on weekends and they wouldn’t change that just for my project. Today I’m busy getting out invitations for the event. Only 50 seniors can attend and I get to choose them.

Day 40

The letter to the editor was published yesterday. I was heartened by the responses. The first call came at 8 AM and went on all day. We will have our free space for the coupon workshop for seniors. There was disbelief that the senior center charges rent even for events like this. I will write another letter about the support from our community. We are hoping to start more movements toward making life better for seniors. Hooray!

Day 39

Joan Butler said I should have felt better immediately without the beta blocker. I haven’t felt much shift. Maybe it went on too long before a sharp eye finally came up with an answer. I’m going to use a rescue inhaler at PT and see if helps. Breathing is the problem that keeps my energy and endurance from developing again. I do have a stronger heart beat and I will work as hard as I possible can.

Day 38

After PT I am out delivering the Senior News. I can do the route in about an hour depending on how social it becomes. That’s the fun part. When I take copies to the hospital, I visit with the ladies in the gift shop, at the beauty shop, I talk with them and grab a cookie. At St. Vinnie’s, I swap howdies with the volunteers, and at the doctor’s offices, I see people waiting that I know.

Day 37

The storm pulled down the power lines. For several hours the house was quiet except for the swirling wind and drumming rain. It was as daylight as possible on a stormy day. After pacing around looking out the windows, I collaged my new month page. I’m calling April Life Force month. That will be the focus of my attention. How can I call up my resources and reserves to move forward? I’m not through living life yet.